Can Men Still Exist Here?
When “just being honest” about women’s bodies stops being harmless.
Moderator Note: Ryan_30 emailed this at 2 AM after reading Jen's post. He says he was "concerned about the direction of the blog." I am publishing it because rejecting it would make me a liar about this being a messy, open space. Consider this your warning: the comments are open. Do not threaten violence. Everything else is fair game. Sam
By Ryan_30
I have been reading this blog since Jody’s first post. I stayed quiet. I watched the comments. I watched BeachBum_Mike get dragged for offering practical advice. I read Jen’s post about the guy at the beach who told her he loved her body type. And I have to ask: when did nudism become a space where male appreciation is the enemy?
Let me be clear. I was not the guy at the beach. I do not know him. I was not there. But reading Jen’s account, I keep coming back to one thing: he gave her a compliment. He said he loved a woman of her size and body type. Yes, he sat on her towel. Yes, he asked a personal question. Those were missteps. But the core offense was noticing her body and saying so out loud.
Since when is that a violation?
I am thirty years old. I have been a nudist for five years. I believe in body acceptance for everyone. But body acceptance apparently does not include accepting that men are attracted to women. It does not include accepting that nudity is, among other things, a visual experience. We are all naked here. We see each other. And if a man expresses that he finds a woman’s body beautiful, he is immediately branded a fetishist or a predator.
Jody felt invisible because she is older. I get that. It sucks. But the solution is not to make men afraid to speak to women. The solution is not to label every interaction between a man and a woman as some kind of power abuse. Nudist spaces are neutral ground. You bring your own comfort. If you expect the world to adjust to your triggers, maybe social nudity is not for you. That is not cruelty. That is reality.
The guy at the beach probably meant well. He probably thought he was being supportive of a body type that gets ignored in mainstream media. Instead, he got turned into a villain on the internet. And now every man reading this is thinking: if I say anything to a woman here, I could be next.
I am posting this because someone has to say it. The men on this blog are watching. We are reading. And we are getting the message that our voices are unwelcome unless we are apologizing for existing.
My name is Ryan. I am thirty. I am a man who appreciates women. And I am tired of being told that makes me dangerous.
Comments
BeachBum_Mike: Finally. Thank you, Ryan. I was starting to think this blog was just a support group for people who want to be offended.
Greg_52: Ryan, I am fifty-two, male, and married for thirty years. You are not defending men. You are defending laziness. I notice women at nude beaches constantly. I do not sit on their towels and announce my preferences because I have self-control and a wife who raised me better.
Aisha_B: I am a forty-year-old Black woman who just found this blog. I was thinking about visiting a nude beach this summer. Reading this comment section? I think I will stay home.
Jody: @Aisha_B Please do not stay home. It is not always like this. But when it is, we need to name it.
Desiree_33: "The core offense was noticing her body." No, the core offense was sitting on her naked towel and asking about her pubic hair. You keep leaving that part out like it is a footnote.
Tom_41: Father of two daughters here. Ryan, if a man talked to my nineteen-year-old the way you are defending, I would not be typing. I would be driving. Think about that.
Jen: @Ryan_30 You keep saying “he probably meant well.” You were not there. I was. He did not ask my name. He did not ask if I wanted company. He announced his preference for my body like he was ordering at a restaurant. And then he asked if I was "natural." That is not appreciation. That is consumption. And you defending him tells me exactly what you would do in his place.
Marcus_W: "Biologically wired" is the mating call of every man who refuses to learn manners. You are thirty, not thirteen. Control yourself.
Sofia_19: I am nineteen, and I have never been to a nude space. I thought this blog would make me feel brave. Now I am just cataloging which men I need to avoid.
YoungNFree22: @Sofia_19 Not all of us are like this. But I get why you are scared. That is the damage right there.
BeachBum_Mike: @YoungNFree22 @Sofia_19 Oh, for Christ’s sake. Now we are responsible for women being scared? We are naked in public. Everyone is vulnerable. Stop acting like men are the only problem.
Lin_22: "Can Men Still Exist Here?" Yes. Can women exist here without being catalogued? That is the actual question.
Nate_29: I am a guy who has been reading and not commenting. Ryan, you just made me want to comment for the first time to say: shut the fuck up. You are making us all look like creeps.
Desiree_33: @Nate_29 Welcome. Took you long enough, but welcome.
Sam_Moderator: I am going to say this once. Ryan, you wrote a thousand words defending a stranger's right to sit on a naked woman's towel and quiz her about her pubic hair. BeachBum_Mike, if you type the word "neutering" again I will ban your IP. Nate_29, thank you for showing up. Sofia_19, please stay. Greg_52 and Tom_41, you give me hope. This thread is now locked because I have actual work to do and this blog does not pay me.
New entries in the Naked Voices thread go up every Tuesday and Friday. Read along in order to follow the whole conversation.
